Intersectionality in Dating Black Girls and White Girls

Whether you’re looking for black girls or white girls, you should understand that inter-sectionality is critical. It means that a person’s experiences are shaped by their gender, race and socioeconomic class.

For black women, this often translates to the constant devaluation of features like darker skin and kinky hair. It can be difficult to maintain an open-mindedness to a new relationship while defending oneself from prejudice.

1. Know Yourself

If you want to date a black girl, it’s important that you get to know yourself. It’s not enough to know your gender, ethnicity or physical ability. You should also understand intersectionality, which is the idea that people’s experiences are shaped by multiple factors, such as race, gender and social class. This is particularly important if you’re interested in dating a black woman because you think it’ll be a new and exotic experience or because you’re curious how your mixed kids will look. This kind of thinking is problematic and it contributes to racism and marginalization.

MJ Fievre’s journals are designed to nurture creativity and self-awareness, while inspiring positive action. She is the author of Badass Black Girl Bliss, a journal that celebrates the strength and spirit of black girls.

Dating Black Girls

2. Know Your Value

While most young girls grow up fantasizing about marrying someone from the same racial/ethnic group, Black women face daunting statistics that demonstrate that this is rarely the case.

Misogynoir — the combination of racism and sexism that impacts women of color, including dating and marriage — makes it especially difficult for Black women to find and sustain healthy relationships. Keeping options open and refusing to be stuck in the “Black girl” trope is key to moving forward with confidence.

Throughout history, Black features like darker skin and kinky hair have been devalued. Oftentimes, men who contact Black women on dating apps will fetishize or objectify her by using compliments that reference these stereotypes. This is harmful and needs to be addressed! If this is something that you experience, talk to a therapist about it.

3. Know What You Want

The popular Netflix show Love Is Blind is reigniting conversations about interracial dating, and for good reason. Many black women report being subject to offensive and discriminatory commentary when dating white men.

The most common issues seem to stem from miscommunication. White men are used to stating their interest in someone more directly and in an open way, while black people may find this more forward behavior uncomfortable or threatening.

Other common miscommunications include comments on her body, such as “you are so stacked,” and non-consensually racial smacking of breasts (“bean dip”). If you are interested in dating a black woman, remember that she is more than a sexual object. She is a person with a complex personality, thoughts and feelings that deserve to be respected.

4. Be Honest

In addition to avoiding the “N” word, it’s important for men to support black women and be honest about their feelings. This means not putting other black women down or saying things like, “You’re pretty for a dark skin girl.”

These stereotypes are still prevalent in the dating world. For example, a recent study found that online dating users rated black women lower than their white counterparts.

This is partly due to the prevalence of media that positions black women as exotic fetish objects. It’s also because of the lack of intersectionality in our culture, which is the understanding that one person’s experiences are shaped by a multitude of factors—including their gender, race, physical ability, and socioeconomic class. This understanding is what allows for respectful and genuine dialogue about race, relationships, and love.

5. Don’t Be A Doormat

If you’re constantly putting yourself in harm’s way or feeling like people walk all over you without giving you the respect you deserve, then it’s time to change your ways. This can include letting people take advantage of you by loaning money and never getting it back or saying yes to things that aren’t good for you.

This is not a gendered issue. It can happen to women or men, and people of any race. This isn’t just about dating – it can happen at work, school, or any other social setting. Once you learn to respect yourself, other people will follow suit. This is the key to being a healthy person and having successful relationships. This is a long journey and you need to be patient with yourself.